I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
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