I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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