Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
