Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
