When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Randomize
