We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
