Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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