So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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