the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
