My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
so let's talk penis.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
