Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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