"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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