Screwed.edu
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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