he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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