the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I have fence marks all over my body
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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