you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
