what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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