I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Randomize
