Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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