Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
