I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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