I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
