She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
She's the barista slut.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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