:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
