I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
