butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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