you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
