He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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