the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
