So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
