I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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