If i come over, it means nothing
Me too!
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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