Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
