just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
