They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
