Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
this is an emotional support booty call
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
