Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
