Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
why do cheetos always look like penises
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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