I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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