By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
