Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
