i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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