Your face is a jimmy john
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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