I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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