Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
