he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Randomize
