As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
