yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
