im drinking this country out of the recession.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
