Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
