He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
