That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
it's like iHOP with fire
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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