It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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