i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
