What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
