I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
