i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
