im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
